When I lived in Rexburg, Idaho, I came to love these little flowers. They are called crocuses. Each Spring, they were the very first little flowers to poke their heads out of the snow. They always seemed to convey so much with their simple beauty. Persistence. Endurance. Cheerfulness. Gladness. Resilience. Perseverance. Hope.
Since Gracie was born in August, I have been going through a succession of growing experiences. I don't know if I have ever been stretched this much before. I have cried many times in the last six or seven months, but I feel as if the clouds are parting and I'm reaping blessings in the sunshine.
I think I've been wrestling with postpartum depression, possibly seasonal depression, maybe both. I've never been to see anyone professionally for a diagnosis so I'm not really sure what my defect is... the severity of my case is mild whatever it is so I haven't been in to see anyone. However, this period of growth has been the first time in my life that I have struggled to be a happy person. That has been really hard for me. Being happy and seeing the brighter side of things usually comes naturally for me, and to feel so blue and down was a significant trial to me. It really tried my faith.
BUT I have come through. I didn't let go of faith, and it brought me through. The last three weeks, I have felt so light and cheerful. And through all these trials, postpartum depression being only one of them, I have seen such wonderful, beautiful blessings come into my life. And I am stronger now. The Lord has taught me such wonderful things. And I am truly grateful for these mountains I have been climbing because they are bringing me closer to HIM.
4 comments:
I'm so glad to hear that you are doing better. I understand all too well those feelings. Heavenly Father truly gets us through!
What sweet, thoughtful reflections, Jill. I love the crocuses and the symbolism you mention. An added benefit of that climb up the mountain is the strengthening of our spiritual muscles. As I think about it, I believe we're always climbing the mountain of life. Sometimes the terrain is a little steeper, the humidity a little more oppressive, lower-lying clouds blocking the view, areas to traverse in single file. Other times the incline is more gentle, newly strengthened muscles propelling us upward, the sun radiant and warm, a second wind, great climbing gear and climbing companions. What a journey up the mountain, this life.
Hey, Jill--I wasn't sure whether to leave a response to your response on my blog since I didn't know if you would see it. Anyhoo, for pasties I just use ground turkey (I prefer it to ground beef, although beef would work the same), which i like better than bigger chunks of meat. I used only half the package this time because i usually end up with too much filling. Cost-wise, it worked out to be only a little over a dollar for the meat I used. I made 32 slightly-larger-than-cocktail-sized pasties (we like the smaller size better). It suited our family with plenty to eat, plus some left over. The thing I don't like about the pasties is having to deal with the dough, especially since I make the smaller size. I think that's where I get bogged down time-wise. Pasties are worth it though, so yummy.
I'm glad you are doing better! Depression is a hard thing to go through. I'm glad you are looking forward!
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